Category: Friends

Countdown to 40: Teacher in Progress

Posted on by alvin

Me with some of my favorite co-workers of all time. Overfelt Prom – I forget which year. Maybe 2011.

My going into teaching was kind of a no-brainer.

High school taught me that I actually have great people skills and am highly adaptable. I also learned that I was good at art and a pretty good leader. College taught me that I was a hard worker, but also that I genuinely enjoyed being around people and did not like the idea of desk work in a cubicle all day.

Being an art teacher allowed me to combine all of that while hopefully making some kind of impact on kids’ lives.

During my teaching credential program at National University, I was told that I would likely struggle to find a job because the state was going through severe budget cuts. When they found out I was also going to be an art teacher, they basically said, “Oh… then multiply that times two.”

I actually got really lucky.

As luck would have it, my high school art teacher had gotten pregnant and decided to relocate to New York at the end of the school year. The current principal also happened to be my former leadership teacher. Everything kind of just fell into place for me.

When I started teaching at Overfelt High School, I genuinely thought I was going to retire there. I was 100% all in. I advised a ton of clubs, sat in leadership meetings, became department chair… I fully immersed myself into the school community.

After wrapping up year three, I was preparing for year four when I was presented with an opportunity at Calero High School to help launch the school. I would get the opportunity to order the furniture and help build the art program from scratch. I remember going back and forth trying to decide what to do.

Overfelt felt comfortable and safe. I loved the students. I loved the staff. Simultaneously, I didn’t want to live life with regrets. I had graduated from there and immediately returned to work there right after college. No “what ifs.” I had one week to decide.

And then I decided.

I was going to leave.

I felt guilty about it for a long time.

Ultimately, Calero High School ended up not being the right fit for me, and after a short year there, I found myself at Silver Creek High School for over a decade. I am now currently at Piedmont Hills High School.

Some of my favorite students to have ever walked into my classroom at Silver Creek. It’s hard to remember names of every single student, but I definitely remember these three. Lily, Jacklyn and Rose. This photo was taken a year or two after gradation and they came to visit.

My biggest takeaway from all of this is that I can’t sit too comfortably for too long.

While things did not work out the way I imagined at Calero, they ultimately worked out wonderfully at Silver Creek. Ironically, my unhappiness during that time also pushed me to launch a side business called Ouchii, which later shaped a huge part of my identity for over a decade.

I remember talking to a wise coworker at Overfelt while trying to decide whether I should leave. We weren’t even particularly close, which is honestly why I reached out to him specifically. I wanted unbiased advice.

I asked him what he thought the right thing to do was, and he said something that has stuck with me ever since:

“If you are staying because you think the kids need you or the school needs you, that is not a good enough reason to stay. No matter where you go, kids will need you and the school will benefit from having you.”

He was right.

And now here I am wrapping up year 15, currently at Piedmont Hills High School.

While I am still finding my footing and adjusting, I am happy to report that I am still doing what I do best — helping kids develop their art skills while also being a safe adult they can talk to while navigating the craziness that is high school.

I can never get enough of these letters. And these always seem to come at the times I need them the most.

Countdown to 40: Body Dysmorphia, Leaving the Closet Behind – Academy of Art University, Pt. 2

Posted on by alvin

Me and my mom, Normita “Normie” Floro. This was Christmas my first year of college.

I remember driving to San Francisco with my mom and my little cousins, Christine, Chrizia and Athena. We were going to look at the 3-bedroom “apartment” that me, Chris and Annalisa were going to rent out for freshman year of college.

Upon arrival, I don’t even remember how we got into an argument, but my mom and I instantly got into a very heated one. I think perhaps my mom was already feeling some kind of way about me leaving the nest and being out on my own and needed a reason to lash out and get her emotions out. My brother went to college in San Jose, so this was really the first time she’d experience one of her kids leaving. I knew I had to leave the house though.

This wasn’t because I did not love my childhood home, or my family. I just needed to grow and be able to express myself—all parts of myself—freely, without conflict or fear. And so I did.

The first two years of college, living in the apartment was mostly just Chris and I. Chris was dating a long-time girlfriend, and I, of course, was single. I came out casually in passing to Chris. He had already known since we had been friends since sophomore year. With that out of the way, I was ready to date.

I had put on a lot of weight from excess food and sugary beverages. I also did not lift or exercise, so it was all fat. Kaiser told me I was obese. I weighed in at 164 lbs, and was only 5’4. Additionally, I was balding rapidly. Between being short, overweight, and balding, in my mind at the time that felt like three strikes in the gay community. At least that’s how it felt to me back then. I had a hard time meeting gay kids my age who were interested in me, and the ones who showed interest would almost immediately lose interest once we met.

The shirt was off, but I was mega self conscious – I just refused to show it as I had learned from 8th grade and under that if you show you are insecure, the more people will hate. 19 years old.

So I decided to take care of the first thing I could actually control—my hair. I gave it a buzz cut. Thankfully, at the time, pop stars like Justin Timberlake were all shaving their heads. It made it less of a shock. After a year of that, it was just getting worse so I had to take it a level further and shave my head skin bald.

The buzz cut. Losing your hair is tough. 20 years old with Regina and Lorraine.

I remember standing in the shower with the razor, taking a deep breath and making the first shave. I touched my head and felt the bare skin and immediately wondered if I had made a mistake. I took another breath and just pushed forward. There was no going back.

Back then, there was no social media. I remember driving back to San Jose that weekend and my high school friends were going to come over. I opened the door and there was an immediate gasp, and of course they had question after question. I was really sensitive about it though so I gave a quick, dismissive one-sentence response and moved on to the next subject.

My 21st birthday party with some of my closest friends. One of the most fun nights I ever had at Glen Dundee. Fully bald, still carrying the weight. By then, I was fully out again with all of them.

I remember I went on a date with a guy around my age during that time. He was supposedly into me, but the feeling wasn’t reciprocated in this case and I had let him know that kindly. He told me I looked like a bald rat. Ouch. Yes, you read that right.

The next thing I decided to do was shed the weight. And so, I did two things—both horrible. I ate very little—just one meal a day, and it was a tiny meal. No tracking calories or anything. I remember starving through the day into the evening. Once school was over, I would go to the 24 Hour Fitness on Montgomery Street in the Financial District and do cardio for two hours. One hour on the elliptical, and then one hour of walking. I’d leave the gym burning over 1,000 calories a day. Between the lack of food and over-exercising, I was dropping .2–.3 lbs a day, and losing 2–3 lbs a week.

At the time, I convinced myself it was discipline. Looking back now, it was clearly unhealthy.

131 lbs in this photo and I think I am 22. This was with a youth group for Asian LGBT youth in the city.

Looking at photos from this time frame still makes me sad. I looked ill. At the time, I was addicted. If you had asked me, I would have said I still had more weight to lose. I remember wanting to aim for 125 lbs.

Once I got thinner, I was in my junior year of college. I moved into a tiny studio in downtown San Francisco the size of a 10×10 room, but with a small kitchenette and bathroom. It only had room for a bed and one of those tiny portable closets. It was very lonely.

Chris and Annalisa both decided to move back to San Jose. Suddenly, I was alone in that small studio apartment. Not wanting to sit in that loneliness, I drove back to San Jose almost every weekend I could just to be around my friends.

We’d go clubbing every weekend. I finally felt confident. Guys showed interest now that I was thinner. I’d still get asked bald questions all the time though. I suppose being 22 is kind of young to be skin bald—I get it. Those were some of my most favorite times. All of us turning 21 and going out.

Years later, someone I had gone on a few dates with who lost interest had complimented a photo I posted. I gave him a hard time that he wasn’t interested when I was larger, and many of the other guys weren’t either, and now people suddenly care. He said it could be that—or maybe it’s just the confidence I’m presenting now. I suppose we’ll never know.

What’s interesting about this whole segment of my life was how much my physical appearance mattered to everyone else. I had made my peace with being bald when I decided to shave it all off, but it was a big deal to everyone else. Same for the weight. In some ways, I am glad it pushed me to take care of myself and I am in the best shape of my life now. In other ways, I think it’s completely jacked up. I am happy now though knowing that anything I do to my body is 100% a choice for myself and no one else.

While it is difficult for me to reflect on the body dysmorphia from this time, it is a pivotal time of growth for me. Every person I met there, I was Alvin—out and not hiding. While I loved my parents, I needed that time away to grow up and be my authentic self. Conversely, it made it easier when I returned home from college. When I came back, I didn’t have to “come out” again. We all just treated it like it was common knowledge at that point, and my folks—most notably my mom—were completely fine. We’ve only gotten closer and tighter since.

Quick Notes:
• Music from 2004–2008 still brings me so much joy. It reminds me of all the parties. Timbaland, Nelly Furtado, The Pussycat Dolls, Destiny’s Child, Chris Brown, Akon, Gwen Stefani… I could go on forever.
• The insecurities I had during this time never really resurfaced in the same way. While I would eventually gain weight back years later, I never felt as low as I did here.
• The Spice Girls reunited in 2007, including Geri Halliwell. Going to that show with my girlfriends still stands as one of my favorite memories.
• The road trips I took during this time with my friends to Southern California — especially the ones to Disneyland — are incredibly special to me.
• Even though my cousins and I didn’t see each other as often by this point, we still had amazing parties during holidays and major family events. Some of the funniest photos and video footage from my life came out of this era.

Countdown to 40: Prom & Graduation, Overfelt High School, Pt. 3

Posted on by alvin

Very appropriate that if I was going to run into anyone in the craziness after walking the stage, it would be her.

To outsiders looking in, it would appear that everything in my life was great. My grades were good. I was highly sociable. And get this—I was senior class president.

I somehow was able to convince enough of my peers to vote for me. I’d like to think it was purely confidence in my ability to lead the class into glory. The pessimistic side of me says it’s because the alternative would have been a complete train wreck.

Senior year was full of late nights preparing for rallies, dances, hanging out with friends, trips to the beach, and movies at Great Mall. There were some genuinely great memories made that year.

My senior prom, however, I did not enjoy.

I was exhausted from helping with all the setup that morning. Leading up to prom, I was also stressing about what to do about a date. All my friends had significant others. There was absolutely nothing wrong with going to prom alone, but I wasn’t sure if that was something I wanted to do. I was back in the closet, so asking a guy was out of the question.

Sarah, a casual friend of mine who wasn’t part of our main friend group, also didn’t have a prom date, so I asked her. Thankfully, she said yes.

One of the harder parts for me was seeing my former gay best friend bring his boyfriend to prom. I was incredibly envious of him in that way. In my eyes, Marlon got to experience the high school life I wished I had. He was good at tennis, open about who he was, got to explore his sexuality freely, was a decent student, and people genuinely liked him.

Ironically, years later, we drifted apart and I eventually heard through other people that he had been resentful of me for things outside my control. He felt like people naturally gravitated toward me and that I “had everything” at school.

Little did he know, I was envious of him the entire time.

I suppose we’ll never really know each other’s full perspective. Sometimes I think about reaching out and clearing the air.

I am thankful for all the meaningful relationships I have in my life today, but there is definitely something to be said about having a gay best friend—or honestly, any close gay friend at all—who isn’t your husband.

Graduation day came, and I gave my senior class speech. Ms. Mello, my drama teacher, had read it in advance and told me it was very well written. Once we officially walked, everything became chaotic. People were everywhere. Families were flooding in. Everyone was trying to find each other.

I remember seeing Kristabel and immediately feeling relieved and happy. We took a photo together.

But outside of that, I honestly don’t remember finding many other people.

For a while, I couldn’t even find my own family in the chaos. I remember standing there feeling strangely alone despite being surrounded by hundreds of people. Eventually, my immediate family found me, we took photos, and then we all went to dinner together.

I use this phrase all the time now, but “two things can be true at once.” Senior year, I experienced some of the highest highs. Simultaneously, some of my own internal struggles resulted in the lowest lows.

Today I come across articles, memes and reels discussing how being gay can sometimes feel incredibly lonely. I can see it. Graduation and prom were probably the beginnings of that realization for me.

From the outside, everything in my life looked great. But internally, I still felt very alone sometimes.

At the same time, high school also taught me that I could be successful and that I had a strong network of friends behind me.

I was ready to go into college and once again, start over.

This time, with confidence.

Me and Honey Gubuan in 2004. Advisor for FASA club at the time.

Quick notes:
• Monica, Mon and Gaby I appreciated a lot during this time. They kept me company while a lot of my friends were busy chasing love.
• Our last song of the evening for prom was “Burn” by Usher.
• Overfelt had a wonderful staff. Most of my teachers I found to be personable and good at what they did. Above all, patient.
• Some of the best Hip-Hop and R&B tracks came out during this 2003-2004 window of time that are still spun at bars and clubs to this day. Petey Pablo, Too $hort, 50 Cent and Beyonce are just a few off the top of my head.

Countdown to 40: The Closet is Easier. Overfelt High School, Pt. 2

Posted on by alvin

I know I am not the only one who took photos like these. Cringe!

It’s interesting how life works sometimes. I’d say grades 3 through 8, all I really yearned for was a good set of friends. At home, nothing additional was needed. My relationship with my parents, siblings and cousins was amazing.

By the time high school rolled around, I was seeing my cousins less and less as we all became busy and absorbed into school. Now that I had friends, I placed a bigger emphasis on maintaining those friendships.

Junior year and Senior year were interesting in that regard.

During this time, all my girlfriends were dating and I was being introduced to all these new boyfriends. Understandably, a lot of the time they’d want time to themselves… and I also wasn’t interested in being the third wheel. So when one would be “boo’ed up”, I would get closer to the one that wasn’t. Having had a taste of what friendship looked like, the idea of suddenly losing them was a daunting feeling. But even at that age, I figured at some point when we all got older, straight couples would marry and I would inevitably be alone.

So I went on a desperate search for love honestly… and of course failed.

Where things really went south was at home. My uncles, who were living with us at the time, would narc on everything I’d try to do when it came to dating. My mom and I were fighting relentlessly during this time—the kind of fighting where we’d both be screaming at the top of our lungs, eyes watery. She’d look me dead in the eye and ask me, “ARE YOU GAY?” And I don’t know what she expected from me in those moments. If she wanted the truth out of me, that was definitely not the way to go about it.

I was tired. Tired of fighting with my mom. Tired of trying to do well in school while also trying to figure out how to not end up alone.

So I did something I regret to this day: I decided to go back into the closet. Cold turkey.

I did not suddenly decide I was straight. I knew that part of me would never go away. I just made the conscious choice to not date, not talk about my sexuality, and pretend that everything that happened sophomore year simply didn’t happen.

And boy, did I commit.

Not one date. Not one mention of it to anyone—not even my closest friends. They were so confused. This lasted for the remainder of high school.

I reflect on that time and think about how it solved an immediate problem, but also how much time I lost. All the experiences taken away. All the potential happiness that could have been. I wish I had felt safe enough to come to the table and have a conversation, but that just wasn’t in the cards.

My mom is a passionate, hard loving woman. She was then, she is now. As an adult I see that her delivery was not meant to inflict pain or harm. Her anger and frustration was a direct result of her love for me and her concern for my well being.

And honestly, now that I am older, I understand that more than I did back then.

What makes me sad looking back is not that my parents cared. It’s that I felt like I had to disappear a part of myself in order to keep the peace at home.

And for a while, I did.

Quick Notes

• Will & Grace airing on tv weekly was nice escapism. It helped me realize that things would get better.
• Even though I felt safe with my siblings and cousins, I actually wasn’t out to any of them during this time frame.
• “Stripped”, Christina Aguilera’s second album was the definitive album for me during this time. I connected heavily to several songs on the album that described all the teenage angst I was feeling. Her video for “Beautiful” was also huge for me. She was brave to feature two men kissing openly in the video. I still feel that album is her best.

Countdown to 40: Finding My Tribe: Overfelt High School, Pt. 1

Posted on by alvin

Me with Lorraine (and Chris, my future college roommate and buddy), 15 years old, 2002. I forget what movie we were waiting for. Based on the year, it was likely a Harry Potter film.

My brother, AJ, is three years older than me and was about to start his senior year at Silver Creek. Originally, I wanted to go there too because that’s where everyone else was going. But the district blocked it because Overfelt was our home school. I think we could have fought it if I really wanted to, but in hindsight, that probably would have been awful for me.

Going into high school, I was once again presented with the same opportunity: a fresh start. What I knew going into freshman year at Overfelt was that I was not going to let middle school happen again. There was already a narrative I felt people had created about me among my peers, and I refused to let that follow me into high school.

At freshman orientation, I was greeted by friendly administration. Two out of three, at least. Tim McDonough and Lynne Murray did a great job making me feel welcome. I still remember Lynne’s “Freshmen, freshmen, freshmen!” chant. It was ridiculously stupid, and we were a tough audience—but clearly it struck a chord because I still remember it like it was yesterday.

Thanks to the foundation built by Ms. Weaver and my parents, I managed to maintain a 4.0. I joined a bunch of clubs. I took drama with Ms. Mello. Eventually, I found a group of fellow misfits who didn’t really belong here nor there. Looking back, I’m not even sure what we all had in common aside from being Asian. Andrew “Tank Man” became one of my steady friends, along with Richard, who I had known since kindergarten but never really connected with until then.

Sophomore year completely changed the trajectory of my high school experience.

Kristabel and I were still close, of course, but by then she had really gotten into tennis and had her own circle of friends. Through her, FASA (the Filipino club), and leadership activities, I slowly started finding my people. Lorraine especially became one of my closest friends. Through that group, I also met one of my first openly gay friends, Marlon. And of course, not forgetting where I came from, I brought Andrew into the fold too.

Around this time, dial-up internet was fading out and DSL was becoming the norm. Xanga blogs were huge. There was also this absolutely jacked-up website called FindAPix.com where people uploaded photos of themselves and strangers rated them from 1–10. Naturally, we were all on it. Through that site, I started connecting with other gay youth around the Bay Area.

Lorraine and I became especially close during this time. She was one of the first people I fully came out to, and it felt good to finally confide in someone. We had a notebook we’d pass back and forth where we basically wrote journal entries and letters to each other. God, I would love to find that notebook again someday.

One of my favorite memories with her was when we snuck off to Oakland as 15-year-olds. I honestly cannot believe we did that. I had been chatting online with a guy my age through FindAPix, and Lorraine and I decided to take BART to meet him. I took advantage of my parents sleeping in on a Saturday morning, casually told them I was going to Lorraine’s house while they were half asleep, and quietly slipped out.

We obviously couldn’t drive, so I asked an older friend to drop us off at the station.

Thankfully, the person we met turned out to actually be who he said he was—and kind. We watched The Ring, and I even met his family. I still remember his dad singing karaoke in the apartment. Total Filipino.

Looking back now, the whole thing was unbelievably stupid. We had never ridden BART before, had no idea how to navigate Oakland, and this person could have easily been someone completely different and dangerous.

By late afternoon, my mom already knew we were lying. She had been increasingly on guard because she had started realizing I was gay and I was trying hard to hide it. I think she was worried—not just about the lying, but about my safety.

She called my giant brick cell phone with no apps and told me she wanted me home immediately.

Lorraine and I went into full panic mode trying to come up with a story. Our brilliant plan was to say Lorraine’s parents had been drinking and couldn’t drive me home yet. My mom didn’t miss a beat. She immediately said she’d come pick me up herself.

What we didn’t know was that my mom had already gone to Lorraine’s house looking for me. Lorraine’s sister Jessica answered the door and told her we weren’t there.

Busted.

My mom ended up driving all the way to Oakland to pick us up. Man… that was an awkward drive home. I felt terrible for dragging Lorraine into it. I think that one incident alone caused my mom to distrust a lot of my friendships for a long time. In her mind, my friends were leading me into bad situations when, honestly, they had very little influence over my choices.

My parents raised me well. They taught me right from wrong, kindness, respect, and responsibility. Even when friends around me started experimenting with different vices, I never really followed that path. That’s a testament to them.

But what they didn’t fully realize at the time was that as a young gay teenager trying to figure himself out, what I needed most was open and honest communication. Instead, I was scared—of disappointing them, of being found out, of saying too much.

Thank goodness for Lorraine.

She gave me something I desperately needed during those years: someone I could be honest with.

And when you spend so much of your life hiding parts of yourself, having even one person who makes you feel safe enough not to is everything.

Not sure what year this is, but based on our appearances if I had to guess, we were both 21-22 years old. We need another one.

Countdown to 40: LeyVa – Why a Good Teacher Matters

Posted on by alvin


At Evergreen, I was convinced I was mediocre at best. Not athletic. Not the best artist. Not part of a tight friend group. Just… average. My grades hovered between As, Bs, and Cs—nothing that made me stand out.

I was excited at the prospect of starting at a new school. Most of the Evergreen students would go to Chaboya Middle School. The ones in my neighborhood would go to LeyVa Middle School. It felt like a chance at a fresh start.

I thought a new school meant a clean slate. It didn’t take long to realize I was carrying the same insecurities with me.

By the time I entered 6th grade, I was very aware that I was a young, gay kid. I knew I was more interested in cute guys than cute girls. I tried desperately to hide it, not fully closing the door on the idea that maybe I’d develop crushes on girls if I just let it happen. Of course, it didn’t. I wasn’t fooling anyone.

Guys would clown on me relentlessly. Girls too. I’d deny it, of course—and I think that only made it worse. Some of the Filipino guys would call me “bakla,” which essentially means queer with feminine traits. It wasn’t meant as a compliment. If I could go back, I’d tell my younger self to just own it and blow a kiss back. Too bad.

Middle school was easily one of the worst—if not the worst—times of my life.

I really bought into the Spice Girls and their whole ethos. “Girl Power.” More importantly, they said to be yourself. I remember Mel B saying it didn’t matter if you were gay or straight, and as a kid, that stuck with me. I drew a picture of Victoria Beckham (then Adams), and I remember a male classmate saying I must have drawn it for her breasts. I just laughed nervously.

All the friends from my neighborhood found their own groups at LeyVa. I couldn’t. I was still friendly with people in passing, maybe in class—but once the bell rang for lunch, I dreaded it. I’d have to figure out where to go, how to look like I belonged somewhere, how not to stand out as the kid who had nowhere to be.

One key figure who really helped me get through that time was my 6th grade teacher, Ms. Weaver. She saw something in me that I didn’t see in myself. She recognized my artistic ability and encouraged it. She told me I was a good writer. She made me believe that I was smart.

I was so used to getting in trouble at Evergreen and struggling academically that I had already decided who I was. She challenged that.

She chose me for Honor Night as the student she wanted to recognize for English. I still remember the speech she gave—calling me a great writer and an excellent artist. I know I have that photo framed somewhere in storage. That moment meant a lot to me.

During lunch, I genuinely enjoyed talking with her. I’m sure on some level she knew I didn’t have anywhere else to go. For that, I’m incredibly grateful. We’d talk about the sitcom Friends—I remember she was not a fan of Phoebe.

As time went on, I started to feel self-conscious about spending lunch in her classroom. By 7th grade, I stopped. I didn’t want to be the older kid hanging out with the incoming 6th graders. Instead, I found a new routine in the library. Every day.

What’s interesting is that when I talk to people now who went to middle school with me, they’ll say things like, “You could’ve just hung out with us.” But I tried. It just never felt like I fit.

Ms. Weaver’s kindness and support is something I’ll carry with me for the rest of my life.

As a teacher now, I think about my middle school self often—how all it took was one adult to make me feel like I could get through it. That’s what I try to be in my own classroom every day.

If my students forget everything I ever teach them, I hope they remember this: that Mr. Floro saw them, and that they had someone in their corner.

Because I know what it feels like when you don’t.

My 13th birthday. I’m a teenager now!

Countdown to 40: Who Needs Pre-School?

Posted on by alvin

Ms. Hagino’s First Grade Class. My best friend, Kristabel in the first row 2nd from left. I am on the far right. My good friends Arnold and Kristian are in the fourth row 3rd and 4th from the left. Richard is first row, fourth from left. We are all friends to this day.

These days, the norm is to put your kids in preschool (at least from what I can see within my own family), but growing up, it was something not everyone did. My parents tried to put me in, and I didn’t last a week. Maybe it was even a day…

I had been so used to the way I lived at home—our customs, which were wonderfully Filipino—that when I was exposed to other ways of doing things, I just couldn’t do it. The one memory I recall (loosely now) is having a complete meltdown because the preschool teacher was serving us lunch, and it was mac and cheese. I looked at the cheesy slop and immediately refused to eat it. When they tried to make me eat it, I slammed it on the ground. Lol—definitely not acceptable. They called Bob Floro immediately, who had to pick me up. These days, they laugh about it.

The idea of cheese was so foreign to me. Nothing I ate at home had cheese on it. The smell, the color—everything about it, I just couldn’t. And it took me the longest time to get over it. To this day, I hardly eat cheese.

Now that I was no longer going to preschool, I was back to sipping on my Hi-C orange juice boxes (with Slimer from Ghostbusters on it) and sitting on top of a kids’ hamper in my room. I also had a yellow baby blanket with one large rainbow on it that I absolutely adored.

Eventually, my parents bought a new home in the Glens, just in time for me to start kindergarten. The macaroni and cheese story was really some good foreshadowing for what my experiences at Evergreen Elementary would be like.

In kindergarten, I had Ms. Schuester (sp?)—and I met some friends who I still have to this day. Arnold was one of my first friends, and he lived in the same neighborhood. I remember him wearing a Ninja Turtles shirt that was slightly off-colored. My favorite memory from kindergarten was when our teacher asked us to bring in a stuffed animal. I brought in a small green teddy bear my dad had won for me playing games in Reno. We left them at school, and the next morning, we arrived to see the teddy bears all over the room, set up to look like we had been walked in on them playing games together. Kindergarten felt good—and safe.

On TV, I was watching Power Rangers and Tiny Toon Adventures, slowly assimilating into American culture. At the same time, at home, I was in a Filipino household. Those two worlds would sometimes clash. I stopped bringing food from home because some of my classmates would make faces at the smell or grimace.

By first grade, I met Kristabel. She was also Filipino, and we connected strongly over that. Lucky for me, she lived in my neighborhood. Her friendship was so valuable to me, and we spent a lot of time together. Eventually, her mom became my piano teacher. Kristabel became my first best friend, and I always looked forward to going to her house. She introduced instant noodles to me, and she and her brother were extraordinary artists. Her mom even told me in our 20s that she once dreamed we would get married someday (lol).

Looking back, that mac and cheese moment feels like the beginning of something bigger. It was the first time I felt that disconnect between home and the outside world.

As I got older, I started learning how to navigate both—figuring out when to adapt and when to hold on to what felt like me.

And in the middle of that, finding someone like Kristabel—someone who just got it—made all the difference.

Kristabel “Kristi” and I in 2011.

COVID 19 Chronicles: Part 3 / Where Do I Start?

Posted on by alvin
My nephew Cameron, who turned 1 in July!

I remember being on a Zoom call with my cousins and sibs a few months back and we were talking about how there’s no way the government would have us locked down through the summer and people would start to get impatient and riot.

… and here we are.

A month back or so, we were finally brought to “Phase 2” – which allowed many restaurants to reopen for to go options. To me, that was more than enough to make it seem like we had some form of normalcy because prior to that, I was legitimately cooking and what not. Not much else was open aside from the groceries and hospitals. Another expansion would happen that would allow indoor retail to resume not too long ago. At that point – I began to worry. I made the mistake of walking into a Ross with my mask thinking everyone would be responsible here in the Bay Area and of course I was wrong. It looked like a zoo in there. Masks off, people touching their faces… I knew it was only a matter of time before we got shut down again.

… lol and here we are again. After a brief reopening of gyms here in Santa Clara specifically, 2 days after, they were all shut down again. You’d think people would get it together and follow instructions because other countries seem to get it but evidently Americans are more concerned with having the freedom to spread the virus as they please since they view it as a hoax or something that impedes on their freedoms. I’m not going to get into that though – that in itself is a cluster f*ck and a blog entry all its own.

So instead, I wanted to focus on a few key, pivotal moments that stood out to me personally in no particular order:

1) My Birthday
I was prepared to be sad on my birthday. It usually tends to happen – dating all the way back to my teens (Again, long story). But somewhere along the line in my 20s I just decided that my birthday was as awesome as I was going to make it for myself and made sure I had a great time every single year. With COVID-19, it seemed like I would be right back to sad ass birthdays. But, to my surprise – after teaching Zumba virtually on Zoom to some 100 people and having a glass of wine with them after was one of the most meaningful birthdays I’ve had. Almost cried actually… almost. I was just happy my mom was safe after her tumble, and seeing everyone smile post Zumba with their cups of wine really brought me joy. Thank you everyone who greeted me and especially those who came to dance with me that night. Jey and I also had dinner after upstairs which was nice.

2) Social Injustice
I was prepared to type a full on blog about my birthday but then a week or two after, George Floyd was murdered by a police officer by being pinned down to the ground by his neck. He suffered for 8 minutes and 46 seconds before he was put in an ambulance and declared dead. His murder sparked nationwide protests and riots and sparked heated discussions online between family members, friends and strangers. Just a few months prior in March, Breonna Taylor was killed in her own home by police. Regrettably, I failed to blog about Breonna – or even mention her name. It took yet another murder, nationwide riots and peaceful protests to finally get many including myself to pause and reflect and seek action. While I am starting to see the social media feeds slowly return back to “normal” – I hope the message and mission aren’t lost and continues to bulldoze forward. I hope the the complicated and heated conversations continue. I hope we respect each other and continue to acknowledge our own biases and privileges so we can understand the injustice that happens every single day to the black community. And something that I am trying to practice now more than ever is practicing empathy and learning to listen.

George Floyd. Breonna Taylor. Just wanted to say their names again in case you forgot them. <3

3) Ouchii Fitness
One project that I am so proud of was launching Ouchii Fitness. As a business owner, it’s always important to ask “What does the community need?” And with COVID-19 continuing to keep gyms shut, the answer was clear: the communities need ways to stay fit.

The beauty of group fitness is that the group dynamic encourages everyone to bring their energy and hype each other up. When that was suddenly taken away from us, many of us who enjoy the group dynamic lost the motivation to exercise. My free Zoom sessions were started shortly thereafter lockdown and culminated into www.OuchiiFitness.com. I launched the service just this month and have 50 or so members subscribed to some kind of fitness package and I am lucky to have such a dedicated group of fitness enthusiasts who trust me with their fitness goals.

4) 24 Cans Me
I got an e-mail saying I needed to join a conference call from 24 on an upcoming Wednesday. I dialed in and was greeted with an automated voice mail telling me I was being let go, along with countless others. It stung. I know the company is suffering, as are most gyms right now – but 24 specifically was already filing for bankruptcy. I think what stung most is knowing that I was chosen based on who knows what criteria and others were spared. What about all the people I brought in? The people who joined because of my classes alone? All the events I did? Or the fact that I did all that for half of what some other instructors made?

In a weird way – it all worked out. The other gyms who I feel have a more accurate grasp with what I can do or what I’ve done all reached out to me to return, which I am thankful for. However, with COVID-19 not going anywhere, and all the gyms consistently being asked to shut down – maybe it was all a sign?

I have no ill will toward 24 as a company. Could some things have been handled differently? I think so… but I did get a lot of perks out of 24 – the most significant being amassing a large network of fitness followers. And someday, I’m sure we’ll all be dancing, doing burpees and lifting together in person again at the gyms (maybe 24 again? Who knows?) – but as for now, I am okay running Ouchii Fitness and keeping people healthy and happy from the safety of their homes.

5) Birthdays Galore
My mom turned 65 – she can finally order off the senior menu at Sizzler (assuming they survive). My mom is one cool, funny lady. Both my nephews also turned 1 this month. My siblings of course wanted to give them the big party that most parents tend to do for their first borns (shout out to the forgotten middle children of the world!) but they responsibly decided to do drive thru birthday parties.

My other nephew, Oliver, born 2 days after Cameron who also celebrated his 1st birthday in July.

5) Distance Learning Fall 2020
It was also recently announced that my district, along with most of the state will be doing distance learning for the first semester of the 2020/2021 school year. The debate amongst people saying we, as teachers need to go back to the classroom is crazy. I’ll leave it at that.

As I end this entry, I just want to say I am thankful for such a strong network of people to help me get through this pandemic. Not once have I felt alone. I am thankful for my partner to have to talk to daily (and even when I don’t want to talk just knowing he is available to do so), thankful for my siblings and parents, my funny cousins, my friends, and my fitness family.

If you find yourself alone and need to chat – I am all for it. Let’s Zoom.

COVID 19 Chronicles: Part 1 / Easter

Posted on by alvin
COVID-19 Project - Garage gym!
My garage upgrade – call it my COVID-19 project.

So now that we are in week 4 of social distancing in California, I figured now would be a good time to write about it.  Four weeks ago, I was writing on Facebook about how it is ridiculous that we are not out of school if not for the safety of our students, then definitely for the safety and well being of our older staff as well as those of us who live with older folks. 

At the time, opinions were all over the place – with some still comparing the virus to the flu, some thinking we did not need to be out of school, some thinking it was Dooms Day… it was actually pretty stressful if not annoying being on social media.  I can’t really fault the nay-sayers, because I was amongst them initially. However, I also like to stay informed and constantly read and watch the news and I am very fortunate to have family who are the same, and will constantly update me. (Love you guys, by the way.) As it became more and more clear what a danger this virus was, I became increasingly more vocal about it.

… But let’s not lose focus. 🙂

Here we are in our fourth week, and not only has California shut down all schools for the remainder of the school year, but all non-essential jobs have been ordered to work from home or shut down entirely (my own included).  The general consensus is that comparing this virus to the flu is silly.  We as Californians are all (well, most of us are) practicing social distancing and limiting leaving the home.  People are dying – Italy and China obviously were hit hard and most countries are on some form of lock down. The concept of “flattening the curve” is pretty well understood by most (keyword there is most, unfortunately).  News is continually changing by the day, if not the hour.

… And people are still spreading old articles or false information on Facebook.  Lol – that part I suppose will never change.

Notably it is Easter Sunday today, and I would like to share a few thoughts.  I’d like to start with some things that made me sad.  Don’t worry though, I will end with things that made me happy and thankful.

Sad list:

  • School year ending abruptly – Being unable to properly end the year with my high school students, especially the freshmen and the seniors. 
  • All of my gyms closing – The gyms have become a big part of my life and I have made some great friends in my students.  It immediately felt strange knowing that I wouldn’t be dancing around for 1-2 hours almost every day.
  • Social Life – Not being able to see my immediate family and friends for gatherings and random visits.

Happy list:

  • Online E-Learning – When things go south unexpectedly, it forces you to take leaps you didn’t think you would ever need to do because now we have no choice.  Teachers being forced to stay home allowed us the opportunity to learn how to connect digitally to continue teaching whether through Zoom, Google Hangouts, Facebook/Youtube Live, 8×8, Twitch and whatever else.  These formats enable me to connect with both my high school students as well as gym students.
  • Social Media – Social media is definitely a double edged sword and there is as much bad as there is good there.  However, for pandemic life – I say the good outweighs the bad.  Imagine for a second if we were locked down the way we are now but in a pre-Facebook, pre high speed internet time and all non essential businesses like Blockbuster were forced to close – we’d be really bored and 10x lonelier. Thanks for social media we are allowed to engage with people and feel connected.  I am happy being caught up to date with everyone in my network through the various social media platforms and also laughing at all the memes people come up with.
  • Reconnecting with MYSELF – Something that I figured out very early into the social distancing order is that I was never home pre-pandemic.  A typical Monday for me would be starting the day at 5:30AM, teach high school until 2PM, arrive home, take a nap, take care of Ouchii stuff, and then head to Crunch Fitness for 1 hour of Zumba and then change and get ready for the next 1 hour class at 24 Hour Fitness Crane. 

    My being a people person in all facets of my life including my 3 careers – I always put others’ needs before my own. Having my schedule suddenly cleared allowed me time to ask myself, “Hey, what do I want to do?  Or what do I need to do for myself?” which is something I forgot is so important to do.  I came up with the following:
    • Exercising – I am able to push my limits and try new exercises that I wouldn’t have to time to do before with the abundance of Zumba I was doing.  More Les Mills Body Pump!  More learning STRONG choreography.  More body weight exercises!  Of course learning some Zumba stuff as well.
    • “Diet” – Having the time to cook and see what goes into my food and trying to track macros better is a lot easier when I’m not on the road driving all over town.  I’ve made strides so much faster, and still eating like a whale. 
    • Decluttering – Reorganizing the apartment little by little and throwing out unneeded things.  First thing up was turning my garage into a space that allows me to exercise and hang out in.  (I’m typing this blog from there right now, as a matter of fact.)  I cleaned up my desk upstairs and we cleared out our kitchen.
    • Ouchii – Reconfiguring the business and planning the next stages.
    • Wedding – Figuring out the logistics of how this wedding will happen on August 8 when we are on a tight schedule.
    • Sleep – Catching up on sleep as much as possible.
    • Upping my Social Media Game – I’ve spent a considerable amount of time learning different tools to promote my endeavors.

The pandemic is obviously a terrible thing, and I do not want to take away from the myriad of problems that faces our daily lives but in the spirit of Easter, I’ve found that taking a minute to think about everything that I am thankful for really does bring some clarity and peace of mind. 

Happy Easter, friends and family!

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