Jey and I at the airport en route to Arnold and Thuy’s wedding… I think in 2013-2014?
Jey came into my life at an interesting time.
In my early 20s, after I had lost all the weight, I was busy trying to find a partner. This newfound confidence after losing weight suddenly brought several prospects into my life. Of course, almost all of them would inevitably fizzle out within a few weeks at best. Most of the guys who showed interest were around my age or a little younger.
While finishing up my credential program, I started dating a really nice guy who was older. He was 31, which at the time felt way older to me. It was refreshing. He was mature, well-traveled, handsome, and studying for the bar exam. We dated casually for about a year.
Ultimately, things fell apart because I felt the gap between us was just too wide. I was barely entering the workforce and couldn’t really afford the lifestyle he already had established for himself. Meanwhile, he was preparing to move to Los Angeles and begin his next chapter. I remember us both crying at the realization that it just wasn’t going to work.
After sitting with that for a while, I decided I was going to approach dating more casually, kind of like my friend Marlon did. Just have fun and see where things go. No need to lock things down immediately like a lot of my straight friends were doing.
…And then, of course, I met Jey.
On paper, he honestly was not my “type,” but I figured I should at least give it a couple of dates.
When we first met, I actually wasn’t feeling his vibe at all. We grabbed sushi, then followed up with a few more dates. At one point, we even took a trip to Miami together.
Let me tell you — some of those early arguments were intense.
At one point during that Miami trip, I told him that once we got back to the Bay Area, we were done. Growing up, I thought I had a temper because of all the personal things I had gone through in my youth. Jey, when pushed, made me look calm.
By then, I was already working during my first year at Overfelt High School. He would constantly blow up my phone asking for another chance. When I’d say “never,” he’d come up with random excuses to see me again. He’d say I still had some of his stuff and he wanted it back. I’d tell him I’d leave it outside the door. He’d say no because it might get stolen. He was determined to see me again.
He simply was not going to give up.
At some point, I finally caved and gave him another chance. Despite all the ways we didn’t seem to work on paper, the one thing he had going for him in my eyes was persistence. He fought for me in a way no one else ever really had before.
He also makes me laugh constantly.
And honestly, that’s probably the real secret to our relationship.
Through all the ups and downs we’ve had over the years, there have been far more highs than lows. Where I lack, he fills in the gaps. And as we’ve gotten older, I still see him actively trying to grow and make changes when he hurts or upsets me. Those things never go unnoticed by me.
I realized then — and even more so now — that if you walk around with an endless checklist of what your “perfect” spouse is supposed to be, you may spend your entire life searching for someone who doesn’t exist.
While Jey may not have checked every superficial box I thought I wanted at the time, he checked the ones that ultimately mattered the most.
The biggest one being this:
No matter what happens, he has my back.
Me and Jey in Barcelona, Spain in July 2025. One of our favorite vacations.